“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
My life is pretty great. I am doing what I love for a living, photography and movies, and I’m only 24. I have an amazing family that supports me in everything I do. I’m well liked, am in pretty good shape, practice the “leave the campsite cleaner than you found it” philosophy (essentially leaving people better off for having known you), etc.
And yet I know that there is so much more potential for who I can be. I am constantly having this nagging voice in my head to push myself to become the idealized version of me. The one in my head that doesn’t skip a gym workout, is an avid outdoorsmen, reads constantly, has a thirst for knowledge, treats everyone around him with respect and kindness, volunteers for the less fortunate and above all is mindful about every action I take.
I feel Einstein’s quote pertains really well to my sentiment right now. I know the person I want to become but I keep living my life the same way expecting that I will suddenly be able to become this person. Occasionally I’ll have weeks/months where I change my habits and see myself starting to scratch the surface of the person I want to become but without fail I always go back to my “same way”.
I know the life I’m living right now will not lead to greatness. Is it still insanity if you know what you are doing will not lead you where you want to go and yet you continue to trudge down that path?
“A general rule in creating stories is that characters don’t want to change. They must be forced to change. Nobody wakes up and starts chasing a bad guy or dismantling a bomb unless something forces them to do so. The bad guys just robbed your house and are running off with your last roll of toilet paper, or the bomb is strapped to your favorite cat. It’s that sort of thing that gets a character moving.” – Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in A Thousand Years”
I need to find that something that will force me to change and head towards that idealized version of me. Need to start dismantling that bomb, haha. The question now becomes what will be that force.
March 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm
I’ll be that force that pushes you.
June 4, 2011 at 12:20 am
Don’t bomb his cat Q
Isaac, I think you hinted at the real question when you mentioned that the life you’re now living won’t lead to greatness. The real question is: what does greatness mean to you? This post reminds me so much of a million conversations I’ve had with myself over the past 10 years. The push to read more, workout more, impact others more is constantly there. But one must ask, “How many workouts a week till I’m great? How many books till I’m great? How many lives touched till I’m great?” My fictionalized future self doesn’t just do these things automatically and eternally, he FEELS differently while doing them. He doesn’t feel like me when I hit the snooze button. Unlike me, he doesn’t reach for Hulu on the laptop instead of the latest Malcom Gladwell non-fiction before bed-time. And he is (and FEELS) important to hundreds, if not millions, of people.
After working out for months straight, I never felt like the great version of myself (but I was pretty cut). After reading Three Cups of Tea and Mountains Beyond Mountains I didn’t feel any greater than before I heard of them (although I enjoyed them very much!). And after serving others as a volunteer and as a trained CNA in nursing homes and hospitals for over a year and a half, I felt no closer to being the next Mother Theresa than I had any time before (but I will remember some of those patients forever).
My current opinion about all this is that doing the things you are driven to do is crucial- by all means, follow your passion, live a worthwhile story. But FEELING great comes from treating yourself with gentleness and compassion, and reminding yourself how great you’ve always been, even before you took any actions. Practicing this compassion for self has been the hardest challenge I’ve faced yet. I believe it to be my next step towards creating that version of self I aspire to be.